King of the Hill

[MeltedLazerz]

The Westboro Baptist Church comes along with picket signs that say "God Hates Fags" and stone you to death. I then tell the WBC to fuck off and stand on the hill.

[Bleak Outlook]

I wait for over 7 months, till everyone loses interest in the hill. I swoop in and claim it, bringing the thread back to life. My hill.

[LeonidasRexII]

Originally Posted by Bleak Outlook

I wait for over 7 months, till everyone loses interest in the hill. I swoop in and claim it, bringing the thread back to life. My hill.

During the 7 months you were waiting I traveled to Japan and collected 3 natural hives of the Japanese Giant Hornet. Also over the course of those 7 months I meticulously gathered the pheromones of the queen of each of those hives. I then cultivated and liquified the pheromones until I had 50 gallons of Japanese Giant Hornet Queen Love Juice.

Once you claimed the hill for yourself I set my plan in motion. At a nearby airport I pumped the 50 gallons of Japanese Giant Hornet Queen Love Juice into the starboard spray tank of my Thrush Air 510P Cropduster, and took off for the hill.

I can still see the puzzled look on your face as you saw a crop-dusting plane bearing down on you. That puzzlement in your expression was quickly replaced with fear as I opened the spray nozzles and laid down 50 gallons of what I'm sure you thought was some vicious chemical stew. Circling overhead I could still clearly see your face as the relief spread across it that you hadn't started melting like a Nazi at the end of an Indiana Jones movie.

Then the buzzing sound began. And not the mechanical buzzing of my plane's engine, but the undeniably alien buzz that can only come from insects. A lot of insects. A lot of really big insects. By now your face took on another emotion, abject terror. Not just fear, but mind ripping, bowel emptying terror that comes from the sure knowledge that you will very quickly and very very painfully come to your end. For at the base of the hill clouds of giant hornets were belching from my carefully concealed hives.

Fully 5 times the size of a normal hornet the Japanese Giant Hornets are as deadly as they look, and now each one of them were hell bent to get up close and personal with you in a way that only a Japanese Giant Hornet can. Maybe, just maybe if you had kept your cool and stood still you could have avoided most of the stings. After all you smelled just like their queen. But you decided to run, big mistake. You only managed to run into another cloud of hornets. I shouldn't have been able to, but I swear I could hear you scream even up in my cockpit. The hornets thankfully made quick work of you, because you stopped twitching after about 3 minutes.

Attracted by the pheromones fully a thousand Japanese Giant Hornets were having a nice little party on your quickly swelling body. Time to clean up. Swooping in low I dumped the contents of my port spray tank, a homemade type of napalm whose recipe I found on the intertubes, over your body and in turn the hornets. Timing it perfectly (I might add) I release a flare from my plane so that it alighted directly in the middle of the hornet party. Whoosh! You and your hornets went up in a flare brighter than the Fourth of July.

Seeing that the area was clear I bailed out and parachuted onto the top of what was now my hill. Looking around I could see now what you saw in the place. It was a mighty fine hill and it was good to be King.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P7Q1ncgcoY[/ame]

[Bleak Outlook]

Wow. Couldn't you have just napalmed me and been done with it?

Anyway...
Enraged by the needless slaughter of innocent Japanese Giant Hornets, an unruly gang of smelly eco-terrorists storm the hill and beat you to death with all-natural, hand-woven, hemp products. They leave to go play ultimate frisbee, I take the hill.

[Lord Emperor Clot]

Originally Posted by Bleak Outlook

Wow. Couldn't you have just napalmed me and been done with it?

Anyway...
Enraged by the needless slaughter of innocent Japanese Giant Hornets, an unruly gang of smelly eco-terrorists storm the hill and beat you to death with all-natural, hand-woven, hemp products. They leave to go play ultimate frisbee, I take the hill.

I use my zombie horde to resurrect this here thread and ... oops. Wait. Bleak Outlook tried to smoke the eco-terrorists' hemp products, and subsequently was found unconscious at the foot of the hill. Half my zombies giggled something about BRAINS, and set off after him. The rest dragged a Christmas tree to the top! King again!
Happy ChauniKwanziSolsticeMas!

[bitermer]

I bring a twinkie as bait for woody harrelson and soon the zombies and twinkie are no more. I'm tempted to set the christmas tree ablaze, being a bit of a pyro, but tis the season so it can stay for a few days at least. Anyway, now I am KING!

[Baron Praxis]

I swoop in on a hang glider and nab the crown. I knock you off and put the crown on my head, proclaiming loudly that I am king as I circle the hill in triumph, then land.

[MasterX]

As you land I push you off the hill and infect you with herpes and ASPBURGERS.

My hill.

[Bleak Outlook]

I hire a Slovakian movie company to film a weird European porn on top of the hill. You run in fear from the massive amounts of bush. I take the hill.

[MasterX]

One of the actors removes his fake mustache to reveal himself as ME! My hill.