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The Legion's Resident Pikachu
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"Pictures" - by Arcadian Empire
"Pictures"
Quote:
Pictures of you
Pictures of me
Hung up on your wall
For the world to see...
- "Pictures of You", the Last Goodnight When Lance Risner saw that his fellow workmates had plastered pictures of their loved ones and relatives on their wall divisions - he felt quite pressured to follow suit.
Unfortunately for him, he couldn't figure out what pictures to embellish. Moreover, Lance was not the artsy design-y type and so could not replicate Tina's effort in the adjacent workstation: a lovely pictorial collage of friends, family, workmates, children and pets - all in the shape of a love heart.
And even if he did have the creativity to match or surpass such an effort - Lance was a male. And like typical males - he was more photo-shy than photogenic, and more inclined to not take pictures of himself with his lips pouted while making the peace sign (like teenagers today). Despite his preference to not be in any pictures at all, he featured in the aforementioned collage. The picture was of himself and Tina at the Christmas party last year.
The collage was always a source of merriment - in fact, when it premiered a few months ago - everyone in the West workstation block, along with interested people (and most were - it was hard to miss as it took up about a quarter of the area of her wall) would often stop by.
Due to it, forever more, he would be remembered (partially) as the man who had rocked up to the party wearing a large Santa Claus-esque beard that ended up absorbing no less than quantities of orange juice, wine, champagne, gravy, sweet chili sauce and several soft drinks of which I'm not sure I can name due to unauthorised registered trademark usage.
To his relief, that picture was only one of about forty - and thus the chances of people seeing it, and let alone commenting on it, were quite slim. The sheer volume of pictures on this work of art prompted people to ask her about certain pictures - the 'popular ones' as she had said. Lance's picture was, to his chagrin, one of the more popular ones: "Is that... Lance?" they would say - before they turned around and bothered Lance with questions. If only Lance hated his work, he'd welcome the distraction - but he didn't hate his workplace, and certainly he was quite embarrassed about the whole incident. It was his first Christmas Party at the law firm - how was he supposed to know the dress code?
Of the constituent pictures of Tina's collage - the more often asked questions included asking Tina the name of her dog, who that guy was, where this picture was taken, and the like. In addition, others would comment as well on these pictures, such as: "Oh, what a cute dog!", "Hey, I'm in here!" and of course the aforementioned statements of surprise when Lance was spotted.
Anyway, back to Lance's predicament. You see, one doesn't put photos on their desk just to remind them of their loved ones. There is a factor of showboating. After all, you won't see a picture of your workmate's 80 year old mother on their desk at work (usually). The photos there are put for display. And that 'D' word is very important. dictionary.com defines display partly as 'exhibit' and 'to show ostentatiously', or to flaunt.
What you will see - if you take the time to notice it - is pictures of your workmate's spouse (usually on their wedding day, if they are a bit older - or if they are quite young, perhaps a happy snap taken last weekend at the park or something), and especially their children! If they have any, that is. If not, family photos are also very popular.
But usually, you'll never see anyone in these photos above the age of sixty. Why? Let's face it - in society today, the last thing you want to talk about to your workmate is your mother's reaction when the silly contestant on Deal or No Deal said 'no deal' and lost and got the fifty cents. However, if they had children, it would be a welcome topic of conversation. Count the number of "My child"'s you'll hear (or its variants) and the number of "My dad/mum"'s (or its variants) heard and you'll know what I'm talking about. I won't even go into the 'my horse is bigger than your horse', but in the case of the workplace - 'horse' is replaced with 'children', and 'bigger' is replaced with with smarter/more intelligent/better at sport/more responsible/nicer, etc. etc. etc.
But Lance didn't have any children. He was only 24, and with respect to the rules above - he had only two people to choose from to display on his wall: himself and his girlfriend, Violet. He had correctly figured that putting a picture of himself alone (like a portrait of sorts) would be incredibly stuck-up-ish and arrogant - and thus his only shot at having a picture that would not arouse suspicion was a photo of himself and Violet, or of Violet herself. Moreover, Lance had correctly conjectured that any more than two photos of himself and Violet would evoke the unwanted 'arrogant' and 'snob' calls from his fellow co-workers, even if just in thought.
He decided to postpone the decision on what 'picture of the happy couple' he'd choose to display at work, until such time when the love of his life (Violet, apparently) would be nowhere other than in his arms (in a totally romantic way). Which was in about... five hours. Hopefully.
For now, Lance supposed, he would select the picture of Violet. In fact, he would go out and find a nice photo frame as well. 'Yes, that would be nice', he thought.
Surely, a reminder of what he was working for would surely pile on productivity and efficiency points. However Lance wasn't a pieceworker - he was a paralegal, fresh from law school and he worked among the secretaries.
Despite the job title taking with it an air of mystery (perhaps like an Econometrician or Actuary), the job was well... at first glance - pretty ordinary, bordering on just loathesome. Still, it paid well enough - and Lance figured he'd become a real lawyer soon. But that didn't take away the blights of a very boring and unfulfilling job. Yesterday, he was told to sit (in silence, I may add) in the Supreme Court office to submit a box of legal paperwork. There was no TV, and no one there was interested in talking to him. His phone was nearly flat - and thus he could not play games on it, and just to make a bad thing worse - his ticket was number 176, and they queue was up to 150. Two hours he waited.
He could also remember other menial work such as lugging a trolley full of legal documents around the city, or transporting various materials from place to place (such as laptops, projectors and the like). Last month he had had to deal with a Year 10 Work Experience student - and luckily for him (and perhaps unluckily for the Work Experience student), he had used the young boy (Brody? Buddy? whatever his name was) as a person who could take the heavy stuff, like the extremely heavy projector. 'The boy needed more muscle anyway!' Lance thought - though it was incredibly ironic to state.
Still, it was a nice change from talking to no one on his paralegal adventures around the city (he had said to the young boy, "I do not... partake in mX" after the boy had offered him one of the free newspapers) - and he welcomed not having one of the offices that lined the perimeter of the thirty-second floor of the Parkes Tower, as it meant he got to socialise. Lance considered Tina to be his best friend at the office, a sentiment clearly shared by her as he featured on the aforementioned collage of pictures. And as Tina was always in the next 'cubicle' (if it could be called that), the two of them got to share work. In fact, Lance had developed a reputation of being a person that was willing to help out the other secretaries with their paperwork.
This was because Lance really had little to no work to do some of the time, and thus in his initial weeks at Bailes Lawyers - he had befriended Tina after telling her: "Hey, I'm bored. Need any help?" And thus, Lance's in-box began to exist (he took one from the storeroom cupboard) and began to be filled with simple, non-urgent work - such as checking for spelling and grammatical errors, or non-urgent bills or opening a new matter and filing things.
He was the only paralegal at Bailes Lawyers - and his job description was essentially to 'assist lawyers'. And when he assisted the lawyers, he found his hours used up by arranging correspondence in certain cases via date and time order (though he liked that as it meant he could read legal documents related to very high profile media cases), receiving and sending mail and getting coffee or printed out paper for the lawyers. He even drove them around and carried their suitcases as well - well, for some of them. Others were nice enough to use Lance as a soundboard for ideas or as a person to have an intelligent conversation with. Unsurprisingly, these lawyers were Lance's favourite.
Now you might be thinking, 'Hey, Lance is thinking about his girlfriend! What's he thinking about? What is this... diversion into his work?!' Now I've realised your concerns and I figured that you might have wanted more background information on Lance than of his girlfriend of whom we only know the first name. And so, before I can delve into any deep and meaningful territory into Violet, let me first answer the question: 'Who is Violet? Out of what shadows does she come?'
There are two types of people in this world. There are men, and there are women. Violet Mayers was a woman (and still is, but because of tense rules of which I'm not exactly sure of - I have to use the word 'was' in that sentence). And if you've read my previous story about a married couple who ate ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast, you'll know women can be further subdivided. I quote from it, "To me, there are only two types of women: those who don't need cosmetics and those for which it won't make a difference." And likewise to the main character of that story, Violet can be lumped into that group as well.
Violet Mayers was slightly shorter than her boyfriend of five foot... eleven or so (I believe that is 177cm) - so we'll say she is... 174cm tall. She wore an 'eternity ring' (whatever that is, and let me say the Wikipedia article for it is atrocious - someone please update it so I can figure out what one is exactly...) on the ring finger (appropriately) of her left hand (because her right hand was her writing hand and she conjectured that wearing it there would accelerate its natural process of dulling).
Her large, clear and attractive blue eyes never ceased to mesmerise any man who stared into them long enough (I actually don't think that's true, but that's what Lance said to me when I was working with him in composing this) - and he was no exception to this rule, with his attraction perhaps sealed when he found that her blue eyes was matched with long golden-esque blonde hair - which managed an extra shimmer in the sunlight. Violet preferred her hair wavy, and spent a few minutes each day with a hair straightener (or whatever it is girls use) to gain the desired effect.
She was 24 as well, and before converting her allegiance to Lance - had dated a variety of males. Of note was the way she always ended her relationships, by saying, "I don't think we should see each other anymore" - which she used the last two times she had dumped a boyfriend.
For example, in her final year of high school she had met a fairly reputable in Harry Desantis. Their relationship was largely uneventful (a walk to the flower shop, a walk through the park, the sight of a celebrity that drove past, a few house parties, a skywriter - and who wants to write about that? hint hint) with Violet uttering the dreaded words over the phone after Harry had 'forgotten' (apparently) that he had organised a date at the local Hut of Pizza... and of course (because that seems too light a reason to break up) after he had said, "Hold on, can you wait a sec? I just have to hide and... ah, DAMMIT. I died. Anyway. Go on?"
So after the dreaded words, she hung up and thus Harry - unfazed, and still of the belief that he still had a girlfriend - continued to finish his round of gameplay with his online buddies sharp_shoota555, LOLudeadman and LOLWTFPWN. For finality in this section of the story, I report his belief diminished to nil when he finally turned up at the Hut of Pizza seventy-five minutes late perplexed, before one of the friendly staff informed him that a girl about yay high (complete with hand gesture), blonde hair and blue eyes had stormed off about seventy-four minutes ago.
Violet and Lance's current coupling was forged when Lance had caught Violet reading Vanity Fair - and as Violet had explained it to her parents: "I don't know, I was sitting in the library reading Vanity Fair and this guy comes up to me and asks me about it. And now he's my boyfriend!" Needless to say, after the kinds of people Violet had brought home and identified as 'boyfriends' - her parents were quite happy that she had found what seemed to be a suitable boyfriend, a far cry from those who would turn up to the house to pick up Violet dressed in board shorts (which hung quite low, too low for some) and a singlet with unkempt hair to match - perhaps with a few bracelets and earrings and piercings. You know the type.
Let me just say, that when your daughter appears to attract many men from many walks of life - you want her to be dating the best, not someone she picked out of the gutter. Now I'm not saying that all people who dress up in board shorts, with a singlet and unkempt hair with that 'bogan' look is metaphorically 'out of the gutter', but... the vast majority are. I'm sorry, but it's true. Now I'm going to get on my high horse and ride off into the sunset with my elitist sunglasses and a smug smile. Just kidding! I'll do that - after - I finish my story.
So anyway, now that we're better acquainted with Violet - we can continue.
Bailes Lawyers had a free internet policy. They didn't exactly care where you went, or what you did - as long as it wasn't illegal, morally reprehensible or questionable and it didn't stop you finishing your work before deadlines. The last condition is a bit iffy, I'll admit - but to my mind, it reads, 'As long as you get the work done'. And now Lance's legendary clerical accuracy had allowed him to finish the batch of work a few secretaries had compiled for him before the lunch break, which was twenty minutes away.
Unlike perhaps cheaper clocks, the wall clock at Bailes Lawyers ran smoothly and did not stop-start every second. This meant no annoying 'leaky faucet' sound as one of the American-born secretaries had said.
Lance stared at it as he logged on to Facespace - and then realised: the printer available to him didn't print colour. Colour photos were only allowed to be printed with permission from the IT people on the other side of the building. Besides, he wasn't sure whether they'd take kindly to printing a picture of one's girlfriend and use their precious ink. This presumption had sprouted from when he was tasked to approach 'the computer dudes' (as they were affectionately called) and ask for toner. Let us say their reception towards him wasn't exactly friendly, though hostile would probably suit it more. Perhaps 'unfriendly' or 'annoyed' would best describe it.
Lance firmly decided that he would not print a picture of his wonderful girlfriend in the grayscale of the printer he had access to - and plugged his USB stick into the computer, ready to save the image he deemed that best typified the physical properties that enchanted him when he caught sight of her, and thus would prod him into higher productivity levels. That is, if he could resist the urge to stare and smile stupidly at the picture for hours at a time - in such a state of daydreaming happy, romantic things that even a hand wave in front of his face, a click of the fingers and perhaps even the dumping of a bucket of cold water on his head - could not cease his mind's escape to the dream world.
Violet had three possible facial expressions Lance could pick from, all of which had her smiling (which he deemed the pose that would best evoke the essential emotions of attachment, intimacy and overall fulfillment in him). And thus, Violet had three smiles (though to me they look pretty much the same). However, Lance would disagree strenuously - as he would say that her eyes contributed to half the effect of the smile. So, find out for yourself, I suppose - as Lance and I agreed to disagree.
The first smile was one Lance called 'The Smile for the Camera'. This smile was the one she would wear whenever a photo-op came about or whenever someone smiled to her on the street, or if she wanted to exchange pleasantries with someone, or if she found herself in a similar situation. It could be spotted as Violet would relax and simply, smile (hey, I'm not very good at this describing thing). Her eyes thus, were open to their fullest extent and this had a calming effect on Lance - who strongly believed in the proverb of the eyes as the window to the soul.
The second smile was one Lance called 'The Over Smile'. Lance, a cricket fanatic and one who was intrigued in the mechanics of spin bowling - had conjectured that drift in mid-air (most typified by the sharp dip of a top-spinner) was due to the sheer number of revolutions placed upon the ball. Lance's grand epiphany of sorts was actually a re-statement of the Magnus Effect. Still, he didn't know that the phenomenon he described was actually already discovered - and I'm not going to be the one to break it to him.
Anyway, this smile was one where Violet would smile so much that her eyes would squint. However Lance struck this one out as her eyes could not be seen. And we all know how he feels about her eyes...
The third smile was one called 'The Mesmerising Smile'. This one was combined with 'The Gaze', according to Lance - and made him feel funny things inside. My theory on this is that it is a piercing smile, that - like a bullet - rips through the shroud of mystery we often hide ourselves behind and looks plainly at the metaphorical heart. The smile then, is perhaps approval of what one sees. It is a facial expression so stunning, that it stuns the recipient of the smile. It is true that when I was a visitor at Lance's house and had a cup of coffee, that I saw this mythical smile - though I could not speak of the emotional impact of it - as the smile was not directed at me. So having seen that... I shall say it is the smile of lovers.
But Lance didn't want to share such intimate things with his co-workers. Thus the Smile for the Camera it was!
One hour later...
Lance ascended to level 32 of Parkes Tower, with a small plastic bag in his hand that rustled gently. In it, was two objects - one housed in a box, and one housed in a paper bag backed with cardboard. 'Do not bend' was printed on the side of the paper bag, though due to the miracles of translucent plastic - it could not be clearly read from the outside.
He walked out of the elevator as the tell-tale 'ding!' rung through the corridor, and Lance looked back to see the empty elevator - to ensure that he had not dropped anything. The time was 1:30pm, and others would soon be returning from their lunch breaks - as most tended to overshoot the 1:30pm unofficial start mark by five or ten minutes (as the guidelines stated 12:30pm to 1:30pm was the lunch break).
The plastic bag waved about as Lance walked to the security door and punched in the code that would allow him access to the main offices - as Reception and meeting rooms were on level 31, while workers did their thing on level 32. "2-6-7-4-hash" was what Lance pushed in, before the green light shone. In one swift movement, almost like a figure-skater or dancer, Lance pulled the door open, pranced in gracefully and closed the door behind him. A loud thud signalled the locking of the door, so Lance made his way to his desk.
Past the photocopier room and past the kitchen Lance travelled. He waved to a few of his workmates that were roaming about the offices, and went through the storeroom with its ceiling-high cupboards filled with folders, paper and various stationery: pens, staples, scissors, glue, you name it. Past the snack machine and past the 'library' as it was called - which contained the vast majority of the correspondence conducted by Bailes Lawyers and the clients in the past ten years in which it operated. It was perhaps, the most secret and precious of rooms.
And so finally Lance emerged to his home within Bailes Lawyers - his own area, near the whiteboard which had various assignments written onto it and near the printer that lived there. Tina was on the phone and she waved at him as the plastic bag was rested on his desk. Lance then retrieved the box and a paper bag backed with cardboard from the plastic bag - his purchases, the remnants of memories from this particular lunch break.
Tina had mastered the art of multi-tasking and was busily chatting away to whoever was on the other side - and had affixed her eyes intently on the box and the paper bag. Lance then opened the box and a silver photo frame emerged - metal obviously, painted silver and quite heavy as Tina remembered the plastic bag had made quite a thud on the table when Lance had placed it on there.
The photo frame was flipped around and Lance ripped away the plastic covering and threw it in the general area of the bin (his aim was good enough as the small plastic covering floated into the receptacle). Lance removed the cardboard backing of the photo frame and rested it on his table - with Tina's watchful eyes still observant and curious as she talked on the phone. Finally, the contents of the paper bag were partially revealed. Tina caught but a glimpse of what appeared to be the reverse of a picture - it was obvious the glossy side was the other. She wondered what the picture would be of.
Lance had not glanced up since he had acknowledged Tina with a nod and a smile, after her friendly wave. He was at work. A labour of love? Of course.
The face of the photo frame was hidden to Tina as her conversation with whoever it was, ended. 'See ya!' she said, before the handset was replaced. Co-incidentally, and appropriately for my purposes - Lance had also finished placing the picture in the photo frame.
Tina had swung her chair around fully and rested her elbow on the table to watch her fellow co-worker. She knew it was a picture - but the endless possibilities excited her somewhat, the question of: "Who is on that picture?" recurrently was asked in her mind and she waited in anticipation.
This was a proud moment for Lance - finally, he could be engaged in the workplace banter that related to pictures on the wall. Tina knew exactly what he was feeling - as she had had her own thoughts along these lines a few months ago. This was a true rite of passage - not like numerous so-called "rites of passage" proclaimed by the media or others such as Schoolies or Year 10 Formal or getting a credit card/car/P-plates (red)/P-plates (green)/job/paycheck for the first time, etc. It may not seem like much to you, and some of you may think: "But getting P-plates is a rite of passage!" No it's not. You don't become magically something new after you get it. Wow, you can drive by yourself! So what?
A picture display at Bailes Lawyers was a true rite of passage. Due to it, he was now never to be seen again as the outsider to office conversations on special people in co-worker's lives - just to be someone to engage in conversation with, but not someone to be engaged themselves. He was now in this small select group of people - a full member of it. He was ready - ready for the friendly co-worker who would ask who this lady was, framed so perfectly within the photo frame (pictured so perfectly herself, perhaps) - and so would distract him from work just for a few seconds. But that distraction was very welcome, as it would lift his spirits for the entire remainder of the day - as he would have sparked that first hint of an indefatigable link of friendship between himself and the friendly co-worker, such that at work parties - he could approach that person and talk to them. Tina had been befriended in this fashion, though Lance's display before was not of a picture - but of a poster of Murphy's Law. She had asked him about it, and now... well, they were best of friends. Prudent, I suppose, because they worked within two metres of each other - and working close to the enemy often leads to conflict.
Lance reminisced back to times in which he himself had been the one to start the conversation on these display pictures. Last week, he had chatted to Bruce (a lawyer) about the picture of his children - and Brett was more than happy to share his son's HSC Legal Studies result, exclaiming: "He's gonna be a lawyer some day! Just like his dad. 96 in Legal Studies. A chip off the old block, eh?" Now, Bruce could assign work to Lance personally and not just talk to him on a professional business-like level, but also on a personal level - with Violet discussed, with the same vivacity and passion as Bruce had shown in his anecdotes of his son.
Similarly, he had engaged in some harmless chatter with Rhiannon - another of the secretaries around - about her husband: "Oh, he's in the army? Nice. Is he in Iraq or Afghanistan? ... oh, so he's stationed just at Holsworthy, is he? Still, pretty cool." Now, Rhiannon and Lance could partake in random banter about life with partners - it was as if due to this picture of Violet, she would start to exist within the realm of workplace conversation - an acceptable topic of sorts.
Even Tina found herself in this in-mind montage. And due to the sheer number of pictures in her display, and the relative vicinity of her workstation to his - they had found a mutual one-sided relationship to talk about their pictures. And due to Violet's picture, it would now be a true mutual relationship.
This was a great day for Lance. He hoped that he would not have to wait very long to speak wonders of Violet. He was very proud of her - and why would he not be? Young and madly in love, Lance was truly the embodiment of pastoral love or perhaps puppy love.
Finally, Lance spun the photo frame around - and the picture of Violet was seen. Displayed for the first time.
He turned around to see Tina. "Oh hey, Tina!"
"Hi Lance! I see you made a few purchases during lunch. Sorry I couldn't talk to you. My sister called!" she said with a friendly smile (the 'Smile for the Camera', as Lance would categorise it) - as her eyes veered to the picture. Lance returned the gesture - with a smile as well, a smile of acknowledgement.
"By the way, she looks familiar...", Tina continued before she stopped for a moment, as she squinted her eyes. "Hey, isn't she--"
Lance turned his attention from Tina to Violet's picture. His eyes found her own, and Lance fell in love again (deeper in love, as he told me later).
Eyes still fixed on hers, he uttered: "Yeah, she's my girlfriend. Violet."
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Hmm... I rate this, 7/10 on my professional scale.
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01-12-2011, 10:54 PM
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