Preparing for the Noodle's Ascension

[Master Holton]

Given recent events in the world i predict that now is the end of days!

THE FSM WILL LEAD US TO SALVATION!



So I wrote a guide for...

HOW TO SURVIVE THE FSM RAPTURE

Step 1: Preparation

Be prepared for his coming. As we all know from the FSM holy texts: "There shall be a period of chaos and anarchy for 13 years before His arrival". You need to be able to survive these 13 years in order to make it to the final ascension of all Noodlites. Pro-tip: Carry a big stick, a sharp katana, and a high-powered rifle with plenty of ammunition.



Step 2: Surviving the 13 years

You've got your katana, now what? Well you use it of course! Take a few practice swings on your neighbors pets/children/immigrant workers (they wont be missed). So make sure you bunker down with the other Noodlites in a close quarters, defensible area. Such as a castle. Pro-tip: sand castles do NOT serve the same function.



Step 3: How to properly grovel once FSM arrives

Congratulations! You've survived the worst 13 years of human history, had more fights than hot meals, and possibly own a castle with a beautiful view of nuclear-winter Europe! So now what do you see on the 4748th day as the sun rises? THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! Noodlites around the world rejoice and any surviving heathens quake in their boots! He approaches you so what now? Well first: Get on your hands and knees in proper groveling position. Now repeatedly chant "All hail the noodle" until he finishes burning the heathens with molten parmesan. He will recogize you, wrap his noodly appendage around you, and carry you off into the Garden of Raman.


Step 4: Relax!

You've successfully ascended into Noodly Paradise! Congratulations and see you there!

[MeltedLazerz]

Erm, I think you just wasted a half hour explaining what people already know. Any true believer will know exactly how to survive.

[Master Holton]

He commanded me to write His Word.

(this should be stickied. lol)

[Legionnaire]

Ramen, brother Holton

[justavictim82]

Ramen

[Feibelman]

*waits for JTT's face to melt off

[justavictim82]

inb4watcherlocksanddeletes

[Legionnaire]

Originally Posted by Feibelman

*waits for JTT's face to melt off

[Guitarfreak41658]

Get this shit off.

[Legionnaire]

Originally Posted by Guitarfreak41658

Get this shit off.

u mad