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View Full Version : Cherburne, A city of fire


Justin The Terrible
12-21-2009, 05:08 PM
I began writing this the other day. I just felt like writing. If you want to read it then gimme the feedback=) I will be updating this as I write more.


Chapter 1

The blackness slowly faded from my vision. I found myself limp and broken on the ground. My head throbbed as the blood flowed outward from it. Looking out I saw the crimson fill the cracks in the concrete before me. Hollow footsteps sounded from behind me. The echoes bouncing off the walls. A door slammed resonating again in the empty room. I attempted to lift myself from the cold ground. My limbs lay like noodles beside me. The pain shooting from the side of my skull was unbearable, so much so that I wanted to cry out. The cry fell from my lips as a wet gurgle, as the blood suddenly flooded from my mouth. As the warm, metallic, taste filled my mouth the shrill ringing of my next class bell yanked me from this nightmare.

I sat up in my desk, bringing my hand to my mouth. I felt a numb sensation where my fingers touched. When I glanced at my fingers they had blood on them. The Class Disciplinary Officer walked up in front of me, gave me a gauze strip, and said "Tardiness will not be tolerated". I stood frozen in my tracks as the CDO stood there in front of me, the lights glinting from his protective mask and helmet. His mask was terrifying, one of those that could filter out tear gas. He wore all black, with "CDO" in big white letters on the arm. He stood with his metal baton in one hand. I gathered my things, then walked as fast as I could out of the classroom.

As I walked into my final class, Biology it was 5:56 I had four minutes to gather my thoughts before class. Just then two CDO's came in through the door and seized the student seated behind me. The rest of the class and I sat and watched as he was dragged out of class. Moments later another CDO entered the room, walked to the podium in the front of the room, and said "Remain calm, Christopher was needed elsewhere. Please resume your daily schedule". He then turned and walked out of the room. The class remained in an eerie hush. The Educator got up from her desk and began today's lesson on Anatomy.

As I sat in my desk for the final hour, I glanced around the bare room. My eyes fell on the door. A quiet scream came from outside. I looked around and no one had seemed to have noticed it. Maybe I had imagined it. I must have. Glancing around again I decided to just focus on the lesson. The vascular system was not an attention grabbing subject. My thoughts wandered back to the statement the last CDO had made. I want to know where Christopher was needed. Why was he removed?. It made little sense.

The bell rang once again. This time I was out of school for the weekend. I thank god the monthly break was this weekend. I walked past the Educator's desk and out the door, I then bumped into another student. He had a rage in his brown eyes and in the tone of his deep voice as I helped pick up the books.
He snarled at me, "why don't you watch where you are walking!"
"I'm sorry I have a lot on my mind, I didn't mean to" I replied.
The boy stood up with his books in hand, glaring at me, and said "Be careful what you are thinking or else you'll end up like Chris." With that he walked quickly away from me. I was very puzzled by this too. So many weird things keep happening today.

Opening my provisional storage bin, I tossed my books inside and grabbed my coat. Walking to the main hall I ran into the angry boy again. He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry about being so angry about that. I was just was very upset about them carrying him off like that. They've been doing that to a lot of us lately."
"Us? Who is us?"I replied.
"Us as in my friends and I, a lot of my, um friends, have been getting taken off. I've got to go now we'll be in touch." He left me wondering again.

Exiting the main school doors into the streets of Cherburne. The school was located on the north side. Cherburne is a government town. Located in arctic North America, in a valley surrounded by mountains. South of the school was the Business district. Past the Business district was the Financial district, The Residential district, and The Restricted district. Outside the massive city walls topped with razor wire were huge forests of Pine. A few caves in the southern ridge of the mountains are known, but the rest is all wilderness.

There are only three roads in and out of Cherburne, all under military control. The large windowed buildings towered over the streets as I walked beneath their shadows. The snow fell onto my forehead and into my hair as I walked. Government trucks, headed west to the Restricted district, sped past. The gust in their wake blew snow everywhere. The chill swept through my coat and down to my bone. Maintaining my pace I continued towards home.

Passing an alleyway I saw a man. The man was dressed in black. His eyes piercing. I saw a flash as he lurched forward. The next thing I knew the man was out on the street in front of a truck. The truck honked it's horn, but the man stood there. The wind picking up, as he spoke in a language I didn't understand. A huge gust of wind and snow blew down the street. The man was gone without a trace. Men with guns jumped out of the truck. They began looking for the man.

Looking away I continued on my way through the Financial district. Reaching the check point at the entrance of the Residential district, I took out my papers. The guard scanned them and waved me on. I walked the three blocks to my housing complex. My key-card slid through the scanner. The door clicked and opened. Complex guards stood in front of me. I lifted my arms as they frisked me. Having gotten the 'OK' I went to the elevator and waited.

Standing there I began wondering more and more about that boy. He must be insane. That is the only explanation. With a beep the elevator stopped at my floor. The doors opened and I walked in. A voice began on the speakers, "greetings passenger, please scan your Identification card before proceeding. Thank you". I placed the card under the scanner.The red light flashed as it scanned the card. A green light lit up. The voice came again, "Thank you, Robert Catesby" The elevator came to life, lifting me up to the third floor. The doors opened and I stepped outside. I heard labored breathing in the hall, but as I peered down the hall it was empty. Then directly behind me I heard the breathing. Spinning on my heels I turned to face the sound. There before me was an empty elevator. Shaking my head I hurried down the hall to my room. Reaching the door I scanned my ID card again. The Door clicked and opened.

I had lived in room 115 since I was five years old. At ten years old there was a 'separation' law passed, every kid was torn from their parents who were moved to adult housing while the kids were forced to live on their own. Living on my own is easy enough. The Government gives every student food and water. So food is never an issue. We have a limit on "unnecessary" acquisitions on our cards. Television is considered unneeded other then for news. Our internet access is monitored. Mostly sleep is an escape.

UPDATE MARK 1/17/2010

Sitting down at my computer I clicked the browser, a window popped up. It seemed to be about the recent historic happenings. I started reading the article. The Arctic Federation had split the old states into four main factions. The Arctic Federation, The Southern Order, The Southern Union, and The East. When AF began taking territory south of it's control both southern factions decided to fight back. As the lines receded, AF deployed new elite troops. The Front stalled. Not settling for a stalemate; AF armed thirty divisions and marched north for Quebec. When they reached the city they found only four thousand men defended the city. AF's forces quickly overwhelmed the city. With the capture of Quebec the rest of the north surrendered. Leaving only four powers on the continent. The West had fallen into anarchy. Some groups fought for power and as one gained power another would topple them. Hundreds of little factions exist in the west. As the AF solidified the Arctic Federation. It began an Education System. Students need a solid uninterrupted education. Failure is not an option in this system. Discipline is the main point in the system. Cities followed this new system. The new system became know as Total Education. The Cities were built on templates. As my eyes fell on the last paragraph the screen flashed red and in white letters said, "Unapproved Site, Blocked for inaccurate content."

I leaned back in the chair taking in all I had just read. The story was completely different then what we had been taught. It must be wrong. Just then I felt the eyes burning into the back of my head. I jumped to my feet and spun around. There, not even three meters away, was a shadow of a man. The shadow's face was darker. It had a cruel smile made of darkness, Its eyes shone scarlet. In a raspy voice the shadow spoke, "get out now....even as we speak they come for you..they know what you see.." I watched the shadow fade then shoot under my door. Feeling compelled to listen to the shadow, I grabbed my bag and threw clothes, blankets, and matches into it. I picked my coat up off the floor and put it on. I took a look around the room one last time. I could hear footsteps and voices outside my door. I had little time. I went into my bedroom and opened the window. Standing back a few steps I took a breath. Just then in the other room I heard a crash. More footsteps followed along with a man shouting "Governmental Services! Please remain calm!" With that I ran forward and vaulted out the window. Falling through the air I looked down. I was going to come down hard on the pavement below. I slammed into the ground hard. My senses had been messed up from the fall, but they were intact enough to see a man look out my window and shout behind him. Pain shot from my leg. I couldn't get up to run from anyone. I lay there knowing I was about to be caught.

Governmental Services personnel came from the building. A large man with a gun stood over me. His face stern and his eyes dark. He glared at me and said, "You are under arrest please comply or you will be forced to comply." He then bound my hands, gave me a shot, and swung me onto his shoulder. An escort formed around us. The last thing I saw before they placed the black bag on my head was the angry boy from school far off watching. I felt like a sack of produce bouncing as the escort walked along. I lost track of all the lefts and rights we took. After what seemed like forever I heard a commotion. The men's guns around me clicked. No words were exchanged. The silence was the most eerie thing. I heard a voice far off, "NOW!" The roar of machine gun fire erupted from behind us. The man carrying me threw me off to the side of the road. I listened as I heard the sounds of gunfire around me. Men crying out as the hot bullets burned through them. Charring off parts of their souls. I heard the large man's voice again, "Fall back! Fall Back!!". Rushing footsteps fell around me. The gunfire died off. More footsteps came towards me. Voices around me spoke "Get the boy up and back. Those guys will be back and they will want their merchandise back. Also get these bodies out of here!" Another closer to me said "Yes Sir!" Again I found myself akin to a sack of produce. The pace was set a lot more rapid. I felt sort of numb. My tongue tingled when I tried to move it. Attempting to speak I said, "ahwer blahbs". The man carrying me stopped and said to another in the party, "what the hell did he say??", someone replied back, "I'm not sure, let's just knock him out until we get back". Again I tried to speak, "blehwe!!". I then felt a hard piece of metal hit the back of my head.

UPDATE MARK 2/21/2010

Chapter 2

Light shown on my eyelids, waking me from the deep slumber. I opened my eyes only to see a eerie cave. The walls glowed with crystals that sprouted every which way. My head lay on the cold floor. As I took stock of my surroundings my hand shot to my leg. It felt fine. There was no pain at all. Looking around once again trying to see down the three halls around me. I took it upon myself to try to rise. Still the leg felt fine. I stood and swayed trying to get my balance. I felt like jello. I leaned against one of the crystals for support and panted. I suddenly was extremely thirsty and winded. From behind me a voice sounded, "Robert, I see you have decided to join me. For a while there I had thought you'd die. I mean seriously, three days? I digress, ahem, well this is good." As I heard the voice the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I had just looked there. I saw nothing other than the cave. No one was there before. I heard no footsteps. I must be imagining this. Turning to see the source of the voice I nearly fainted. There, not seven feet away, was the man that I saw jump in front of the truck. He spoke again, "Robert, you look surprised. Do you not know your own mind? I do. You have no clue?" With a puzzled look I spoke, "Who are you?! How do you know my name?? Where am I?? Of course I have no clue. I am a law abiding student. Weird stuff has been happening lately. I don't know how to explain any of it. I'm not crazy!", "Robert calm down. Names don't matter as of now. You are on the ground before me in the caves. You are correct, Robert, you aren't crazy. You have more to you then you know. You will find your way out of the caves. Good bye, Robert, I'll see you soon." With that the dark man faded before my eyes.

My legs gave out under me. I resigned to a seated position on the cold ground. The crystals flickered and died out, leaving me in blackness. "This is just great. I'm thirsty, cold, and now it's dark. I should've just stayed in my apartment." I said to no one other than myself. Just then a voice whispered in my ear, "Rise now, I suggest you move. You aren't the only thing in these caves." Looking to the source of the sound I saw the glowing red eyes of the shadow that was in my room. I jumped and scrambled to get up. The eyes swayed back and forth in the blackness. A wicked toothed smile formed under them. The cruel face shot towards me. I jumped to the right to avoid it. The crystal I slammed into flicked as I collided with it. The shadow had a point. I really don't know what is down here. I got up and walked. My hand felt the way along the wall. After some time I began to see a blueish light. I came to a fork in the tunnels marked by a glowing crystal. A tugging in my head told me to go left. I had nothing to lose so I took the left. Soon the tunnel curved sharply down in a spiral. I followed the winding path down. After four loops I heard something below so I halted in my tracks to listen. A wet tearing sound broke the silence, followed by a low whine. Shuffling footsteps echoed off the walls. Mustering the courage to move on I kept following the wall until I felt a wet sticky splotch. I stopped, frozen in place. The hairs on my arms stood. I felt the chill run up my spine. With the chill, some crystals flickered to life. To my horror I found my had was placed in blood spatter. The blood spatter was above a butchered man. The skin of his face was ripped off exposing crimson bone beneath. The limbs were torn from his body. One leg was still attached to the lifeless corpse. In his lap lay an assault rifle, but more importantly it had a flashlight mounted on it. By the corpse's side lay a bag. I picked up the bag and searched through it's contents. Several clips, three flares, a large bladed knife, and glowing red gem. Shouldering the bag, I turned on the gun light. The path before me was straight. Even the light I had couldn't pierce to the end of the tunnel.

SiCkO
12-21-2009, 05:39 PM
interesting

this like chapter one?

Justin The Terrible
12-21-2009, 05:40 PM
yea

Kevanovia
12-21-2009, 06:55 PM
That was a good read, nicely done dude.

Feibelman
12-21-2009, 07:17 PM
...Like Cherbourg?

Justin The Terrible
12-22-2009, 04:16 AM
...Like Cherbourg?

no.. i made the name up.. it's a couple letters off of a town in northern MN

Justin The Terrible
12-22-2009, 01:50 PM
lol the CDO's are like feibelman=)

NemaK
01-05-2010, 06:41 PM
I'd rewrite the last paragraph (that you added recently and never told me about, grr). Twas a bit confusing.

Justin The Terrible
01-07-2010, 09:06 PM
it's not confusing.. i just didn't post more explanation.. lol.. it'll make more sense when i add more

Justin The Terrible
01-17-2010, 07:46 PM
UPDATED!!!=D

Justin The Terrible
01-18-2010, 04:47 AM
no one readed the new parts D=

NemaK
01-18-2010, 05:11 AM
I has. Pretty good. Make it longer!

SiCkO
01-20-2010, 02:30 PM
hmm, im guessing it was because he read that site?

Justin The Terrible
02-21-2010, 06:56 PM
UPDATED

Siaon
02-21-2010, 07:18 PM
This story is EXTREMELY INTERESTING! :D:D:D

* Siaon is interested and bookmarks it.


MOAR MOAR MOAR!

Justin The Terrible
02-21-2010, 07:19 PM
not too bloody yet??

Yakuza96
02-21-2010, 07:19 PM
that was pretty good bra. nice hook to take in reader. i liked some of the imagery you used, i could picture some of the parts in my mind which is a definate good sign. nice work, keep it up. lol if you become famous can i have your autograph? =)

tom the pit leader
02-21-2010, 07:25 PM
I like the idea so far. It's coming along and you could do ANYTHING with what you've got right now.

I emphisze anything because right now some of the descripters seema little cliché, but that's ok at this point, because you're telling the story right now. You can fix the little things later.

Tell your story, do your thing, and you can make something good out of what you've got.

Justin The Terrible
02-21-2010, 07:32 PM
=O cliche? .. * Justin The Terrible are sad nao..

tom the pit leader
02-21-2010, 08:04 PM
=O cliche? .. * Justin The Terrible are sad nao..

only a few decriptors, not the story as a whole.

Ganondorf X
02-22-2010, 11:00 AM
JTT i like it i would have never read it if you hadnt came to my computer this morning during breakfast.

Yes me and Jtt go to school together

CelesteA
07-25-2010, 08:41 PM
Wow That's realy good

Justin The Terrible
07-26-2010, 06:12 AM
woa I forgot about this...

CelesteA
07-31-2010, 05:42 PM
lol